Cultural Revolution

 It had been thus with him all his life.  If there had come at any time a gleam of sunshine and hope, it was to be obscured immediately -- Samuel Butler

I suppose it did seem
It was time
For a turn
Of Fortuna's wheel
I did feel
I had been insufficient brave
In defense of fallen comrades
Much breath had been spent
On the subject of courage
  In facing the enemy
I did not foresee
The only need of it would come,
As it does, in the end
From facing
  my friends.
These days
In my post collegiate job
I'm a scholar bureaucrat
Who, having passed
Through ordeals insufferable
Arrives at peace at last,
 and so am
all the less likely
To spare others the exam
(This is why boarding and
military schools
 And other human-designed hells
   Continue through the ages, though hated
   Even by themselves)
I view life now
through the color of the vow
I took
That I am never going back
Which made me turn craven
When totalism came to the door
One day
When I am safe enough
I will speak
I told myself
'Cept the safer I got
The more meek
Safety is harder to part with, turns out
When you have it-- than not
So I sit prim
Devout
I will have to do better now, I say
Since one way or the other
I'm going to be found out
When the occupation comes from within
The resistance
Is always overpowered
I'd rather be
Unmasked a counter revolutionary
Than a coward